Opinion: Tips for Gen X and Millennial Parents on Welcoming Home Their Newly Evolved College Kid

The Great Return

’Tis the season for the great annual migration of millions of college students, having completed the first semester of their studies, now heading home for Winter Break. This sociological phenomenon is legendary, as many of these young scholars will arrive in different packaging, shall we say, than that from when they left in late summer.

Emerging from the airport or bus station they’ll peacock with bold haircuts, flamboyant piercings, and daring tattoos proclaiming their transformation from the familiar bird you raised under your wing to a veritable new species of fowl. They will also bring, and haughtily display, profound knowledge borne from the three or four introductory courses they took on your dime. A certain returning scholar I know, having taken Poli Sci 101 and English 201, could not stop talking about Rousseau and the Social Contract while quoting Emerson every chance he got.

To help innocent parents prepare for this Great Return, I offer several new experiences you may encounter and helpful suggestions on how to respond, inspired by my own time as a former out-of-state learner and from being father to two went-away-to-college kids.

The ‘You Ain’t the Boss of Me’ haircut

It is indeed possible that you may be fully apprised of any changes in the hairs on your beloved child’s head. Zoom, FaceTime, and social media spots are where you may have seen these startling images, or perhaps you track your kid’s purchases and saw that they dropped dollars at a swanky salon. But even if you did, the in-person unveiling will require you to summon all of your love and to wildly rave about their avant garde appearance.

Shaved sides of heads, Crayola dye jobs, weaves, waves, and whatever else may be offered to you with untangled joy. For this occasion, you have only one choice: You must rave over it. No matter how revulsed, perplexed, stymied, and startled, you need to proclaim, “OMG I love it!” or “OMG it’s amazing!” or even utter a few OMGs in a row. Then bury your face in their hair and quickly sob over the loss of those locks you once combed and adorned with a rainbow of ribbons.

The ‘I’m 18, So Get Over It’ tattoo

In many ways, I saved my parents the trauma of seeing tattoos on the skin they co-created by not getting inked until I was an older adult. But it’s 2025 now, and you really didn’t go to college or turn 18 until you let someone needle art into your flesh. Hopefully this fully licensed person convinced your former baby to start small and simple—a tiny flower or fish and not the full lyrics to Taylor’s “We Are Never Ever Getting Back Together.” No matter the tat, be prepared for its display with clothing either purchased or modified for maximum exposure: low-cut, side-cut, odd-cut tops, sweaters yanked upwards or sideways, and muscle shirts meant to frame their hummingbird or gecko.

And before you shake your head and start asking why, why, why, make sure, Millennial Mom or Dad, that your own tats are covered—and be prepared to explain why it’s different now from then. And please don’t invoke the “It was a dare, I was inebriated, it’s from Shakespeare” defense. Epic fail.

The ‘Ugh, You Just Don’t Get It’ experience

Yes, you helped them with their homework and paid for that SAT prep class so your offspring would rub their heads against a college wall and someday fix everything your generation broke, but it is hard to sit at the kitchen table and be lectured by your child who is sporting green hair and a Nike swoosh tattoo. Yes, lecture they must, for they have gone off to faraway places, sat in hallowed halls, and learned from Professor Dumbledore himself. They have taken:

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• The Hermeneutics of the Undead: Vampires in Slavic and Western Literature (University of Wisconsin).
• The Semiotics of the Selfie: Identity and Self-Representation in the Algorithmic Age (USC).
• Conceiving and Misconceiving: The Monstrous in the Pre-Modern Imagination (Lehigh University).

Here is a list of adjectives you can use while nodding your head and fighting the urge to scream: fascinating, captivating, engrossing or maybe just wow. And if you ever want to hear my thoughts on the Social Contract, meet me at Julie’s for coffee. Seriously.

All the other stuff

Be prepared for other changes in your dear ones, from diet to Diet Coke. They may shun the casserole you adorned with olives making a smiley face, preferring whole grain lettuce or something. They may now only drink organic juices from fruits grown in countries celebrating their independence from colonial rule. (Most likely, however, they’ll still want a scoop from Tucker’s.)

If they studied acting in college they may be all about yoga, so sit with them and try to stretch and still your soul. And, sadly, be ready for this: even with the octopi arms of social media that link your noodles with their pals, once they get home they will have to head right out and meet their former classmates for boba or black coffee.

But take comfort in this truth. Come Christmas morning, or Hanukkah night, or the final day of Kwanzaa, when they open your gift of Minion slippers, you’re going to get the hug you so desperately need.

Gene Kahane is the founder of the Foodbank Players, a lifelong teacher, and former Poet Laureate for the City of Alameda. Reach him at [email protected]. His writing is collected at AlamedaPost.com/Gene-Kahane.